.....WHAT?

http://www.slashfilm.com/2009/05/10/footage-from-prince-of-persia-the-sands-of-time/

I'm not going to lie, I will probably see the Prince of Persia movie, or at least hope that it manages to not suck horribly, but the above clip makes me rub my temples in frustrated agony. The Sands of Time continues to rock my (admittedly limited) world of video games, being one of the only games I've ever come across that had a story that pulled me in so much that I was giddy like a schoolgirl anytime a major plot point occurred. I know that practically everyone played it in 2003 and my love is totally silly at this point because bigger and better things have come along, but honestly, I have yet to find a PS2 title that has drawn me in as much as Sands of Time did. When I heard that there was a movie in the works, for a brief moment I was actually a little bit hopeful; of all the video game stories, Sands of Time is probably one that's pretty filmable, if you did it right.

For those who don't know, the story hinges on the titular (and unnamed) Prince, who is on his very first crusade with his father; while on their way to the Palace of Azad, they conquer the Maharajah of India with the help of the Maharajah's double-crossing Vizier, and take the mysterious Hourglass of Time, as well as the Princess Farah, as loot. Eager for power and glory, the Prince is tricked by the evil Vizier into releasing the Sands of Time (using the Dagger of Time that he took as his own personal prize), destroying the Palace of Azad and turning every human save for himself, Farah, and the Vizier into monsters. Wracked with guilt and horrified at what he has done, the Prince travels through the ruins of the palace with Farah in the hope of returning the Sands of Time to their hourglass and undoing the damage he has done; the trick of the game, of course, is that the whacky-fun platforming is enhanced by your ability to rewind time if you screw up. The Prince is a fantastic character, snarky and witty while still being flawed; Farah, too, is a unique female character, earnest and idealistic, and the banter between the two characters (as well as their romance) is charming and delightful. The gameplay is fantastically fun, the visuals are stunning, and with the exception of the combat, pretty much everything is fucking awesome.

So that's what we have to work with: a redemption story featuring two well-developed characters that bicker like Bogart and Bacall, drop-dead gorgeous scenery, and the always-fun concept of turning back time to try all manner of things over again. And the makers of the Prince of Persia movie have, as far as I can tell, drawl all over this great idea with crayons. And it's not just because Jake Gyllenhaal is entirely wrong for this part; it is because we live in a world where an action movie with actual characters and really witty dialogue is almost unheard-of, because Hollywood has absolutely no respect for audiences, and because audiences don't really give Hollywood much to respect. I put forth that the storyline of The Sands of Time could have been a really really good action movie, and if I'd written it, I would have tried my damndest to show how it could be different from the other cavalcades of mediocrity that grace that genre. Why can't we demand action movies that also have great scripts and characters for the ages? Why can't producers take chances with smart ideas and actually keep them smart throughout the filmmaking process? Escapist awesomeness can still have a great script and good actors; the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie proved that, and it was based on a goddamn theme park ride.

I'm not saying that the Prince of Persia movie will suck; there's always hope that they're just hiding the cleverness from us in a massively misguided marketing scheme. But I'm not holding out hope. When I'm a filmmaker, hopefully enough time will have passed for me to try my hand at remaking some of the films that are just now coming out, such as Watchmen and Prince of Persia, because I think that we can do so much better.